Practical considerations rule in the Dominican Republic

I’m back from the Dominican Republic. As you may remember, a group of twelve of us from my church journeyed to visit my friend/brother Alex and his church. And let me tell you, my little green notebook is full, so be prepared to read about our trip for a few weeks. I’ve chosen to revisit the lighter side of my trip experience with this week’s edition. And let me first say, especially to my friends in the Dominican who read my column, that I love the D.R. and nothing I poke fun at in this column is meant to be derogatory or disrespectful. The people are awesome and the country is fascinating. That being said, I learned a few things while I was there: A clothes hanger can serve as a makeshift plunger. This revelation evolved from necessity the first night we were there. There is very little water pressure in the Dominican. You can guess the rest. Two water bottles meant for drinking will cause a toilet to partially flush. Again, I’ll leave the majority of this to the imagination, but a scene eerily similar to the “inability to flush incident” from the movie Dumb and Dumber occurred after an outdoor toilet visit where there was no water pressure and a line of patrons outside at the door. The team member in question used the two full water bottles in his possession to coax a partial flush. (One guess as to which team member it was.) I was never as high during a church service as I was in the Dominican. The Holy Spirit was alive that night at our service, but what with the necessity of keeping the windows open due to the lack of air conditioning, we were exposed to everything around us- in addition to the various species of insects inside the church and the sound of the generator which provided us power after the town electricity failed. In the city where we were, the happenings outside included partying, loud music, motorcycles buzzing around, and yes, the intense odor of marijuana wafting through the sanctuary one night. (Fortunately the Spirit was stronger.) Obey a higher calling at all times. Believe it or not, the pastor’s cellphone rang while he was speaking at one of the church services. Believe it or not part two- he answered it. Believe it or not part three- it was for me. We walked outside and both talked to the voice on the other end for a few minutes while the ladies of the church sang a hymn to fill the void. Some things are funny in any language. Our host pastor kept calling my wife- and some of the other ladies in our group- jefa, which means “boss” in Spanish. However, it sounded a lot like “heifer” in English, which led to numerous humorous references to our wives apparently being, in actuality, cows. Blowing your horn is socially acceptable and expected. Nobody honks out of anger. They do it because there are hundreds of intersections and no stop lights. The few stop signs and road markings that exist are mere suggestions and are rarely noticed, much less obeyed. There you have it. Now you are ready to survive in the Dominican Republic. Just remember, for various reasons, to take along some bottled waters.