WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Drama possible for late arrivers

     For some reason, stuff happens to me. Stuff that doesn't happen to other people. Not bad stuff. Just unusual stuff. Case in point: I am writing this week about something else that happened to me at church.
     I say something else because other things have happened to me in the past at church- Like the time I was carrying my newborn youngest child into church and a pigeon flying overhead, in honor of Sunday tithing, dropped his "offering" into my skull plate. Hands full, I carried on, not realizing exactly what had happened until I reached the men's room inside. To my horror, green excrement bird slime was swimming in my hair and oozing down my forehead. To make matters worse, I had passed and greeted several of my fellow church-goers in the hallway as I entered. Public humiliation. 
     Another time many years ago, pre-children, my wife and I arrived late at a church we were visiting and were placed with others in the choir loft behind the preacher where everyone could see us. Fortunately there were other late arrivers (possibly not a word because my computer underlined it in red but I'm using it anyway) so we weren't the only ones in plain view. Unfortunately I was seated next to a gentleman who placed his hand on my leg, turned his head toward me and stared at me for 48 of the 60 minutes we were there. Quickly realizing he was a special needs individual, I was extremely patient with him. Apparently so was his caretaker sitting to his left because she never once encouraged him to remove his hand or discontinue his stare into my earlobe.
     It took all the self control and mental discipline I could muster to look straight ahead while the eyes inches from my face stared at me and the hand occasionally rested on my thigh. And the woman of my dreams to my right was no help either as all she did was giggle the whole time. I don't remember the sermon that day but I did discover that people really can sweat in church without it being hot inside.
     There's more but to save space I will simply say that based on past experience, I feel sufficiently prepared for all sorts of drama whenever I enter a church service. On the recent day in question, I was sitting on the back row (the result of being a late arriver- maybe not a word but I'm using it again) with plenty of empty space to my right. I placed the bulletin next to me on my right and settled in, eventually feeling confident that no one would need the space on my row.
     About fifteen minutes into the service, some mutual late arrivers (get used to my new word) came in and a young man of about twenty years or more, eyed the open space directly beside me and quickly moved to fill it.
     At this point, I feel an explanation of proper church etiquette is appropriate. Here is the way this situation would normally go:
Twenty Something Guy: "Hey, is anybody sitting here?" (whispered because he's a late arriver- my new favorite word)
Me: "No, y'all are welcomed to sit here." (I'm from the South so it's "y'all" not "you guys")
TSG: "Okay, thanks, man.
Me: "Sorry about the bulletin, let me get it out of your way." (TSG then waits for me to retrieve it)
TSG: "No problem." (TSG sits, leaving sufficient man space between himself and me)
     Obviously that's not the way things went down. The whole row was empty so I was not prepared for TSG to plop down right next to me.Spatial awareness notwithstanding, he spotted the empty spot and lunged toward it much quicker than my 53-year old arm could reach for the bulletin seated next to me despite my best effort. I never had a chance. He was either oblivious to the bulletin or totally didn't care. His rear end reached the cushioned pew a millisecond after my hand grasped the bulletin, but a nanosecond before I could relocate it. In short, he was sitting on my bulletin while my hand was still holding it. 
     For a few awkward moments there was a Mexican standoff the likes of which Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid never experienced. Fortunately my hand was not underneath his rear area- it was merely resting awkwardly near it, clinging to the bulletin more out of principle than necessity.
     Did he know he had seated himself on my bulletin? Did he know my hand was still grasping it- (the bulletin)? Did he realize that I could have been arrested if anyone happened to be SnapChatting or Live Facebooking our encounter? My guess is he didn't have a clue. He never acknowledged my presence before, during, or after the "incident."
     Miraculously, his friends had not followed TSG and were beckoning him to locate elsewhere, which he promptly did. I completed the rescue of my precious bulletin and returned my attention to the matter at hand- a fine sermon about perseverance.
     I should have known when I walked into church that day to never let my guard down and always expect the unexpected. The Bulletin Bully moment snuck up on me because I wasn't prepared.
     1 Peter 3:15 says we should be prepared at all times to give the reason for the hope we have when asked. And that hope is in Jesus Christ, the One whose sacrifice gives me valid reason to hope (and  know) that my future is one of eternal fellowship and celebration with my Lord and Savior. It's a celebration I don't intend to be late for. I'm prepared each day to share that news if asked, and sometimes even if I'm not asked. From now on, I'll also be prepared for most anything that could happen anytime I'm brave enough to darken the doors of a church. Especially if I'm a late arriver.