I'm Retiring from using empty cliches

Everybody seems to be saying it these days. Especially athletes and their coaches. It is simple yet profoundly confusing. Brett Favre of quarterback retirement and un-retirement fame, said it the first time he retired. Then he said it again when he un-retired. Then he said it again recently when his new un-retired team was about to square off against his old retired team. Incidentally and unrelated to this column, Favre’s retirements and un-retirements have moved him past Michael Jordan for most retirement switch-a-roos. But they both trail the late and highly esteemed sports columnist Ronald “Scoop” Kiser of the Cherryville Eagle, who retired and un-retired approximately twice a month over a twenty year period or so. (For the record, I’m glad he always came back- his legendary status is well deserved.) Anyway, Favre has company when it comes to uttering the phrase in question. Nicole Kidman said it when she and Tom Cruise split up. Britney Spears let if fly when photographers snapped shots of her driving with her infant child in her lap instead of the safety of a car seat. Brad Pitt spoke it when one of his movies flopped, and someone close to David Letterman called upon the phrase when it was recently revealed Letterman had been “misbehaving” with some of his staff workers at CBS. So what is this newest catch phrase? Plain and simple the newest favorite quote is: “It is what it is.” Simple. Unimaginative. Jibberish words that mean absolutely nothing. It’s the modern day equivalent of “No comment.” And people say it all the time. Precedent was set in the past when Plato of ancient Athens once said, “The city is what it is because our citizens are what they are.” Huh? And then Popeye came along spouting off all that “I yam what I yam” stuff. It’s been downhill ever since. One irate NFL coach told a group of reporters after a tough loss, “They were who we thought they were.” This is as close to “It is what it is” as you can get without actually saying it. Taking the whole thing a ludicrous step further, some coaches advise their players to “stay within themselves.” Other relatives of “It is what it is” include: “We do what we do”, “He is who he is”, “What you see is what you get”, and “Be yourself”- which is what humans advise other humans to do when they’re about to go for a job interview. Of course modern day politicians have chimed in. “It is what it is” is a shifty way to avoid a tough question. It basically says, “Make of it what you wish, print what you want to print, but don’t quote me because I didn’t say anything.” On a personal note, I’m making a commitment not to say “It is what it is.” I choose to aspire to higher communicative gestures. I will rise above petty, insignificant sentences comprised of dead words and despicable clichés. As I write this column, one of my offspring has entered the room and expressed concern that I share sensitive information about him in the paper without him first being aware or giving his approval. I look the child straight in the eye and utter the only words that come to mind- “It is what it is.”