Messenger of Peace Finally Home After Controversial Tour

This picture will make sense once you've finished reading this column.

He’s finally home. After visiting five continents and nineteen countries in the past few months, he deserves some time off. His tour was designed to promote peace, unity, goodwill among mankind and all that sort of thing.

But it didn’t go all that smoothly even though he’s a veteran world traveler, embarking on his first tour in 1936. Back then people were irritated at him because they thought Hitler was using him as a diabolical propaganda tool to promote Nazi Germany. He always seems to get caught up in the middle of messes he has nothing to do with.

He has a team of security guards who are willing to sacrifice their lives to protect him. On his most recent tour, his personal security team was aided by 3000 French police to guarantee his personal security while he visited Paris. London officials spent more than a million pounds to protect him while he was herded through England.

Despite the security, the European tour was adventurous and dangerous. Protestors lined the streets of Paris and a number of them climbed buildings and bridges to unfurl banners of protest due to his presence.

His safety was so threatened in that country that on three separate occasions he was whisked out of the streets and quickly herded onto public buses to protect him from the angry crowds.

In London, he was attacked by a protestor armed with- off all things- a fire extinguisher. Ouch! Fortunately his security guards intervened and the attacker went straight to jail. Similar to his trip to France, his security situation became so fractious at one point that his security team hid him in a single-decker bus for nearly an hour until the situation improved.

Forced to confront continuing safety factors, his security team met to determine whether or not he should continue his international tour. As far as I know, he was given no say in the matter. And to date, his opinions concerning the controversy that surrounds him have yet to appear in the print or news media.

When he arrived in San Francisco, public officials there chose to play a game of hide and seek to guarantee his safety. Using decoys and misinformation, his security team whisked him in and out of venues all over the city, leaving many who merely wanted to catch a glimpse of him disappointed and frustrated.

The only incident of significance occurred when a protestor with a sense of humor attempted to shoot him with a squirt gun. And he was shuffled into a warehouse at one point, miraculously appearing a few minutes later several miles away.

He’s maintained his silence but I think if given the opportunity he would say something like- “It’s healthy for people to protest and express their beliefs, but I don’t have anything to do with that. I’m just here to spread peace and harmony among mankind.”

Poor thing. Trying to spread peace and goodwill- while around him- protestors protest and politicians debate. He is not the Pope. He is not president of any country and he’s not running for any office though I think he would have liked John Kennedy’s speech about the torch being passed to a new generation. He is the Olympic torch and I wish people would leave him the heck alone.

Now go back and look at the picture at the top of this page. That's the Olympic Torch sticking up in the middle and they are guarding it like it's the President.