Here's to the Mean Nurse and the Little Pill

I promised you a while back that I would report occasionally concerning my cholesterol numbers. If you remember, I had issues seven years ago and made some lifestyle changes after a mean nurse, whose name I can’t remember, informed me that I wouldn’t be attending my sons’ high school graduations. When I asked why, she said, “Because you won’t be alive at the rate you’re going now.” Tough love. I’ve declared war on high cholesterol and triglycerides ever since. I lost a few pounds along the way just by being careful about saturated fats and sugar overloads. I said goodbye to fried chicken, cheeseburgers, and fried bologna sandwiches. Hello to grilled chicken, skim milk, and oat cereal. I even ate a veggie burger at Fuddruckers a while back. I do, however, make some occasional exceptions to keep me from going crazy. In no particular order, here are a few: 1. Homemade ice cream and funnel cakes at Legion baseball games. Had they offered banana ice cream during the Regionals and World Series, I would have been doomed for life. 2. Pizza, minus the pepperoni. 3. Spaghetti (without the meatballs) and Lasagna, especially the kind my wife makes in the Crock Pot. 4. Lottaburgers made in my hometown of Cherryville, N.C. They are absolutely the best and I would never pass up a chance to inhale one. Gotta have it with cheese, slaw and tomatoes. I can taste it now. 5. Livermush, a specialty in my current locale. It’s not that high in fat content, anyway. 6. Covered dish get-togethers at my church. I completely throw my diet out the window when I show up for the food and fellowship. Sinful. Especially if one of the deacon’s wives makes a strawberry pie with whipped cream on top. These exceptions began to add up a few months back and my doctor recommended a daily pill to lower my numbers, which were much improved over seven years ago, but still a little concerning. Breaking an earlier promise to myself, I took the pills. I felt so free that I initially gained about 10 pounds over the Christmas holidays, which I easily lost once my new year’s resolution kicked in. Recently a kind nurse poked my arm and withdrew red lifeblood from deep within me. I’m not afraid of needles but I was a little nervous because I desperately ached to receive a positive cholesterol report in the mail a few days later. My phone rang at work one day and a wife claiming to be holding an unopened letter spoke on the other end. “Just give it to me straight,” I begged. “Don’t hold back.” She then informed me that my numbers were excellent. I realize the little daily pill had a lot to do with my numbers. But I’d like to think my change in lifestyle is part of the deal as well, despite my occasional exceptions. So here’s my plan, if God is willing. On the day of my third son’s high school graduation, I will fix livermush for breakfast, grab a Lottaburger for lunch, and settle in for my wife’s Crock Pot lasagna for supper. It’s a day I’m looking forward to, thanks to the mean nurse from seven years ago- who I love, but whose name I still can’t remember.