WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Have Yourself a Wacky Little Christmas

     It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas . . . in front yards, on front doors, and up on the rooftops where Reindeer tend to pause. Lights, camera, action. That sorta thing. I've always liked looking at Christmas decorations. The wackier the better. When my boys were little and still responded positively to most of our parental suggestions, my wife and I used to microwave several bags of popcorn, throw the boys in their pajamas, pile in the family van and ride around looking at the decorations people came up with.
     On one occasion, a cultured friend of ours advised us as to which neighborhoods to visit to see the lights. She warned us against some of the lesser neighborhoods that were a bit "ticky tacky". We yawned our way through the ritzy neighborhoods looking at the same white lights and lit up wreaths over and over. Then we bailed and ventured over to the forbidden ticky tacky areas, where we remained the rest of the evening and had ourselves a blast.
     That being said, I have decided to share with you this week a list of wackily decorated homes, ranked in no particular order, other than #1, which deserves first place, which is why I will list it last. (I'm pretty sure wackily- see above- isn't really a word, but as you know, I make up words all the time, and common folks like myself seem to understand what I'm trying to say- even though my computer just now underlined it in red).

#8- UPSIDE DOWN CHRISTMAS TREES- I don't really get this one but, hey, I'm all for non-conformity. Where to put the star is a dilemma but it does leave room for more presents underneath. Incidentally, when I was growing up, our family had an artificial tree. (Say it ain't so! Yes, it's true- Sorry, tree purists) One year my older brother and I put the branches in the center pole upside down. Who knew all those years ago we started a fad that would reveal itself a couple of generations later. I'm crediting (blaming) him. Younger brothers follow the lead of their wiser older bros.

#7- COLOR WHEELS AND ALUMINUM TREES- Oh how I miss those awesome color wheels. If you're under the age of 40, you probably have no clue what I'm talking about. It was a circle-shaped contraption that turned when you plugged it in. A light shone through it that changed colors as it turned. I think it was a combination of green, yellow, red, and blue. When it spotlighted a silver aluminum tree, the tree became that particular sparkling color. Stunning. Incredible. Life changing. If your family was cool enough to have all this hooked up in your front yard instead of inside, your dad would receive several write-in votes for mayor in the next election.

#6- HUMILIATED DEER HEADS- Hunters especially are guilty of this one. People take stuffed deer heads and attach various sorts of objects to their antlers in an attempt to portray the animal as an active participant and enjoyer (not a word) of the spirit of the season: sunglasses over their eyes, baseball caps on their head, bells hanging from an antler, fake beards with Santa caps, or donning some other gay apparel. When you think about it, it's kinda morbid. It's a dead entity. It doesn't enjoy Christmas. It was shot dead, probably around Christmas time. It is being ridiculed (though it doesn't know it). It can't fly anymore, much less prance or dance or dash or anything like that. And we expect it to look happy. By the way, the Stroupes have one in our house (11 pointer, currently sporting a camo Santa cap)

#5- GREEN BOTTLES OR CANS ARRANGED TO RESEMBLE A CHRISTMAS TREE- This is a recent phenomena that typically involves strategic stacking of beverage bottles or cans that were previously filled with some type of alcohol such as a Heineken or another green-themed beer. Others prefer Mountain Dew containers, but if you're a true Southerner, you insist on Sun Drop cans.

#4- DUMB DAD HANGING LIGHTS- This decoration involves a stuffed but lifelike dummy that looks like the dad of the house. Wearing a plaid shirt and blue jeans, he appears to be hanging on for dear life to the gutter with both hands, while a ladder is tipped over below him and white lights are dangling above and next to him. It's pretty clever but on behalf of all dads, I'm offended. We would never use white lights. I can assure you they would be color lights and when I fell from the roof, I would be wearing a sweat shirt and sweat pants, not a plaid shirt and blue jeans. Get it right, people.

#3- DIRTY SANTAS- I'm not talking about stealing gifts here, I'm referring to the Jolly One being placed in decorative situations that appear to be rated PG or above. There's the one where Santa is standing on top of the roof next to the chimney with lights protruding from his "midsection" that extend all the way to the ground, an obvious attempt to make it appear Santa is relieving himself on the lawn after consuming too much egg nog. In the rated G category, there exists a politically correct skinny Santa whose belly doesn't shake like a bowl full of jelly when he laughs. Come on, Man! Leave Santa alone. If he wants to be big, let him be big. We like him that way. Don't body shame the poor guy.

#2- THE BEST SANTA I'VE EVER SEEN- His presence drew all eyes to him immediately. He was proud and unashamed. He went where he had to go. He lived in the front yard of a small house near the old Carlton Mill in my hometown of Cherryville, NC. I was a kid but I remember this particular Santa as if it were yesterday. The family inside had obviously done some interior home improvements because a defunct sky blue porcelain toilet was sitting in the front yard a few feet from the porch under a tree. There may have been a plant growing out of it but you would have never known. That's because a stuffed Santa had placed his rear end on it and was enjoying a few moments of relief from a long night of work. Apparently someone had spiked his cookies and milk with Ex-Lax, and when nature called, Santa answered.

#1- THE CHILD WHO CHANGED THE WORLD- You can't beat Baby Jesus in a manger when it comes to decorations. Of course we're not supposed to worship or create false or graven images, but the symbolism of a child in a manger is acceptable, in my opinion, especially when it represents the child that was the most important human in the history of all history. And we know that he wasn't just human, but was Divine as well. Luke 2:10-11 informs us that the Angel proclaimed to the Shepherds, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord". The thought of the Savior coming to Earth as a poor child in an animal's feeding trough is totally wacky and maybe a bit ticky tacky, but it happened. And that's what the decorating, celebrating, and the fuss is all about. Or at least it should be.