WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: Bigger Ain't Always Better

Me to my wife: It's time for us to give Flash a B-A-T-H. ( We have to spell out the word- if the dog was to hear the word "bath", she might sprint to the nearest escape hatch and have to be dragged outside where the garden hose awaits). 

Flash (my famous dog): It doesn't do any good to spell it out anymore, Dad. I know what you're saying. That may have worked on your three little sons, but I'm 10 years old now- that's 70 in dog years- and I'm old enough to spell. 

Me: Well, Miss Priss, if you're so smart, why can't find a place to hide where we can't find you? 

Flash: You have no idea what it feels like to get doused with a garden hose. 

Me: At least it's a garden hose and not a fire hose. 

Flash: I don't care if it's a garden hose, a fire hose, or panty hose, it hurts. 

Me: Well, a garden hose is small compared to other hoses. Sometimes smaller is better- like cellphones, bruises, class size in school, prostate glands, and electric bills. 

Flash: There you go again with your philosophizing. Just like I heard you going on and on the other day about how God kept reducing the size of Gideon's army from 32,000 to 300 soldiers, just so they would not think they were responsible for winning the battle. 

Me: Glad you've finally been paying attention. Yes, that's in Judges 7 in the Bible, and it was God's way of keeping the army humble and helping them understand they were dependent on Him, not their own strength. 

Flash: But all I hear all the time is "Go Big or don't go at all". That's why I drink from the toilet bowl instead of that silly little dog dish y'all stick in front of me every day. 

Me: Maybe going big isn't always the best thing to do. Toilet bowls have lots of germs and bacteria that silly little dog bowls don't. 

Flash: You have a big nose. Maybe you should have it reduced like Gideon's army. 

Me: Easy there Miss Smarty Pants, or I'll put more blue Tidy Bowl in the toilet. 

Flash: Go ahead, Mr. Big Nose with the enlarged prostate. 

Me to Wife: Honey, get the F-I-R-E-H-O-S-E, Somebody's ready for their B-A-T-H. 

Flash: Ugghh, I can spell, but I'm still not smart enough to know what an escape hatch is.