I’ve always been more of a dog guy myself. Not that I have anything personally against cats. I’m just not very fond of them. Through no fault of theirs, we simply do not mix well.

Of course I realize they make excellent companions for many folks. Fair enough. But you can’t take a cat for a ride in the back of your truck and watch it bite at the air. What you see is what you get with a dog. Cats, however, are sneaky.

They slither and slink their way over to you and gently rub against you while purring their little motors when they want something. They’re just being affectionate, you might say. Well, the purr method rarely works for humans so it shouldn’t work for felines, either. Nope, I’m convinced all that purring and motor running is equivalent to human brownnosing.

Once upon a time back when my wife and I were first dating, a recurring phenomenon threatened our relationship. Every time I visited my future in-laws, my eyes would itch like a poison ivy rash had invaded them. Some of my friends said it was natural for a young man to be allergic to his in-laws, but I found them to be pleasant folks and was perplexed as to their effect on me.

Turns out I was allergic to the cat that slivered and slunk around the house. Mystery solved. However, it took several years before Leon moved out and I don’t think it had anything to do with my allergy even then.

My wife loves cats. We’ve had three since moving back to North Carolina. Unfortunately they were all ramblers despite our getting them "fixed", and we live next to a road where the speed limit is 55 miles per hour. Despite my attitude toward cats, I grew attached to Catdog, Shotgun, and Smoky before they met their fates.

Recently a wandering feline has adopted our family. He or she (I haven’t checked yet) is orange with some white markings. Maybe that’s a tabby cat. I am unknowledgeable about such.

We’re in trouble. It has hung around enough now that the boys have named it and the wife has fed it. And at some point, I will most certainly be asked to finance its eating habits and neuterization. (Not a word but it fits with the flow of the sentence.)

Actually, the cat’s name is a source of consternation at this point. Such titles as Chewy- from Chewbacca of Star Wars fame, Butterscotch- a direct result of the cat’s color, and Skynyrd- based on the song Free Bird blaring from my son’s MP3 player, have all been tossed out as possibilities.

So for now, Chewy Butterscotch Skynyrd (CBS) lives on our back porch and chases free birds. Never will he/she be allowed inside. An outvoted and overmatched man’s gotta put his foot down somewhere. And I continue to encourage my wife to check the paper daily to see if someone has lost their little cat. But I’m starting to fear CBS has adopted us permanently.

And I guess that’s okay with me, even though I wish he/she was a Yellow Lab or an Irish Setter. But one piece of advice for you, CBS. Don’t come purring your little motor around me. Remember, I can procure your neuterization anytime I feel like it.