WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: Let's Wipe Out Corona Bologna

     Milk and bread. That's what everybody runs to the grocery store to purchase when the weatherman hints that snow is even a remote possibility. Twelve inches or half an inch, it doesn't matter. There will be a run on milk and bread. Yes, human grab other stuff like canned goods, bottle water, eggs, flashlights, and batteries- but milk and bread are the stars of the "doomsday trip to the store" show. However, during the Corona Bologna virus outbreak, a rookie has emerged on the scene to steal the limelight . . . (drum roll please). . . toilet paper. Yes, roll after roll has disappeared from the shelves.  To the point where previously upstanding citizens have been arrested for buying it up and trying to sell it with jacked up prices. Squeezably soft, I guess.
     I don't get the whole toilet paper thing. Of course I know of its essentiality (or is it essentialness) and I know it can't be recycled (or at least it shouldn't be) but no matter how long I sit and think, I just can't grasp why fine and decent folks would knock other humans over to get to the tissue aisle and then hoard the bounty (pun intended).
     Like most other products, there are alternatives when toilet paper is not available. Sand paper and poison ivy plants are not listed among those alternatives but wash cloths, newspapers, phone books (who has those anymore), sponges, and corn cobs are just a few of those listed online that will work in a pinch.
     I'm wiped out trying to think of all the possible alternatives but suffice to say, there are plenty- depending upon how industrious and brave you are. Perhaps the TP hoarders are on to something. We really do depend on our tissue and only really notice how much we need it when it's not available. Just the thought of not having any for the next day might motivate one to collect as much as possible on a given day, especially in hard times when such commodities are scarce.
     The Israelites were facing a similar challenge in Exodus 16 when, during the journey through the desert, suddenly there weren't an abundance of burger joints and convenience stores from which food could be obtained. When the Israelites began to grumble and complain (a habit of theirs), God informed Moses of a solution that involved manna and quail falling from the sky so that it could be gathered each morning and evening. The catch was that the Israelites were to gather only what they needed for that day and no more.
     Despite being told not to take more than they could use for that day, some of them (much like the toilet paper hoarders of today) panicked and took enough for several days, only to discover that it spoiled overnight and possessed a foul smell the next morning (similar to recycled toilet paper).
     I won't make light of the Corona Bologna virus. (Then why are you calling it Corona Bologna, you might ask. The answer is that despite its seriousness, I won't let it rob me of my sense of humor, bein's how laughter is sometimes the best medicine- plus Bologna was the only word I could think of that rhymed with Corona). What I will say is this: Our salvation from COVID-19 will not be quarantines, vaccines, hand sanitizer, or toilet paper. Our salvation will be what it always has been and always will be: the Grace of our Almighty God.
     Yes, we should take all the necessary precautions and follow all the safety guidelines. No, we should not panic and start treating each other inhumanely. Yes, we should visit the grocery store and stock up on some essentials. No, we shouldn't buy mass quantities that leave others with nothing to choose from. But most of all, let's spend less time in the toilet paper section of the grocery store and more time with our eyes closed, our heads bowed, and our hearts engaged in heartfelt prayer. In fact, I'm headed to bed to say my prayers now. All this talk of toilet paper has wiped me out.