A Giant Secret We Kept From Mom

----------- Every member of the Stroupe family is aware of the contents of this week’s column except for Mom. She will read this column in the paper much like you and turn to me and say something like, “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” And I won’t have a good answer. I don’t keep things from my partner unless it’s for her own protection. And in this case, I felt justified in keeping a tight lip until now. The incident in question took place on a recent hunting trip with a dad and his two oldest boys. That dad was me and mom stayed home with our youngest son. On the second night of our trip, I witnessed something I’ve never seen before and never hope to see again. The boys and I stayed in a hunting cabin in the middle of the woods with four other people on our venture. It was awesome, even though the cabin was unheated and we had to get up at 4:15 every morning. Propane heaters kept us relatively warm most of the time and I slept in sweatpants and a sweatshirt to survive the harsh winter nights. On the evening in question, I was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room area, minding my own business. Suddenly and without warning, I saw movement to my left in the kitchen and observed an animal of some sort quickly dart from the area under the stove and disappear into a hole in the wall located beneath the sink. My first thought was that the unwelcome visitor was a large squirrel. Then to my horror, I realized from its features that the alien was a ginormous rat. The tail was a dead giveaway. (I know “ginormous”, prounounced j-eye-nor-mus is not a word. But it’s the most accurate description in this case.) I didn’t scream. I didn’t shriek. I didn’t holler out. I did the manliest thing I could do at that moment. I simply proclaimed to the crowd in the living room, “I just saw the biggest rat I’ve ever seen in my life.” And they all laughed. I don’t know if they were laughing at me or with me. I was too shocked to care. One of them asked if it could have been a mouse. I informed him that a mouse wouldn’t even be an adequate appetizer for the rodent I had just seen. I was traumatized. Mainly because I would be sleeping only a few feet from the hole he disappeared into. Before you call me a wimp, understand that even elephants are terrified of rats. And I’m not even scared of rats in general. I’m just scared of that one in the cabin. My sons and I couldn’t stop thinking about that wretched rat for the next couple days. I dreamed about him all night long that first night. I was never so glad for a four o’clock alarm to go off in all my life. Finally, morning. If you call 4:15 morning. We decided not to tell Mom when we called home the next few nights. Based on her fear of infectious giant rodents, she may have shrieked and ordered her gang of boys back to North Carolina. So we kept our secret to ourselves. Until now.