I Promise Not to Get a Mohawk in 2011

The beginning of a new year. Yet another opportunity to present to you my annual list of resolutions. First, let’s take a look at last year’s list and see how I fared. I was not invited to a White House Beer Summit so I wasn’t afforded the opportunity to order a Caffeine Free Diet Sun Drop at said event. So that resolve is neither a success nor a failure. But I guess not being invited to a Beer Summit indicates that I haven’t been in trouble. For now at least. As promised, I didn’t grab a black snake in the grass like a friend of mine did and I didn’t donate one of my kidneys to someone, only to ask for it back a few months later. (Someone actually did that in 2009). And I didn’t complain about the mispronunciation and misspelling of my last name last year. So I did pretty well in 2010. That brings us to 2011, the Year of the Rabbit or the Year of the Forests, depending on whom you ask. I, Rusty Stroupe, (pronounced Strap), hereby commit to the following resolutions in the Year of the Rabbit: I will not, under any circumstances, attend the Cricket World Cup in India in February, the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand in September, or the Royal Wedding of Prince William and What’s Her Name in April. Royal weddings have traditionally led to royally complicated divorces, though I hope this one will be an exception. And I will not, if at all possible, utter from my mouth or type on my keyboard (other than now) the phrase, “I’m just sayin.” And I won’t end any of my sentences by saying, “and stuff like that,” or “and junk”. That’s so 2009. And unlike the so-called cool macho guys of the younger generation, I will not get a Mohawk haircut in 2011. I’m not sure my hairline is capable of such an arrangement anyway. I saw a small kid with a green Mohawk recently and I all could think was, “Why?” I will not run for sheriff nor will I spill oil into the Gulf. And I will not feel sorry for either the players or the owners in any strike conducted by Major League Baseball, the NFL, or the NHL. Come on guys, most of us would play for meal money. Okay, I wouldn’t play hockey without a good dental plan but you get the picture. And to honor rabbits, I will not hunt them this year. I haven’t bagged one since I cheated and shot one in our family garden when I was 14. Come to think of it, I haven’t hunted them since then so that will be an easy resolution to keep. So much for the “will nots”. Time for the “I wills”. I will experience a white Christmas, just like the one I knew in 2010, which was the first of my lifetime. I will publish a book and I will, despite whatever low-fat diet I am on, indulge myself with homemade ice cream at every game of the locally hosted American Legion World Series this coming summer. (I’m hoping for homemade banana.) So there you have it. Blessings in 2011. Be on the lookout for Mohawks at the Royal Wedding. I’m just sayin’. (Ooops) Rusty Stroupe