Some Things About Winter Weather are Predictable

The weather’s been misbehaving lately. I’m not complaining, mind you, because I enjoy me some winter wonderland weather as much as the next guy, as long as it’s gone by college baseball season. Some thoughts: Observation #1: The more snow, the more snow cream. I am currently enjoying my fourth batch of the stuff even at the moment. And better yet, the kids do the collecting so I have remained warm and toasty inside while they gather. I don’t know how fattening snow cream is, but at this particular moment, I don’t give a rip. Observation #2: Snow cream collecting requires more talent than it did before we got a dog. Flash’s “movements” are clearly visible in the snow (it seems I’m the only one grossed out by this) so the kids have to be reminded that the snow cream should be entirely vanilla with no lemon or chocolate flavor from outside mixed in. Observation #3: Video gaming systems are some of the absolute best things ever invented. Okay, I know we’re supposed to lament how the younger generation is going to the pits what with all the Playstation, Wii, and computer game junk these days. And snow days provide the perfect opportunity for the family to gather by the fireplace and read classic novels, discuss politics, and talk about our dreams for the future. But the reality is different for most of us. And the games can keep stuck-at-home school kids busy for hours at a time. I know this observation doesn’t get me Father of the Year, but would it help your opinion of me to know that I grab a control stick and play along sometimes? Observation #4: The older you get, the more you enjoy watching the snow more than playing in it. I can’t hurl snowballs with near as much accuracy and velocity as I used to so I stay inside. And in my younger days, I slid around in my truck in empty parking lots for a cheap thrill. I still give it a try now, but I’m way too careful for it to be any fun. Observation #5: The reporters and commentators on TV say the same stuff over and over every time there’s a winter weather outbreak. Example: Bob: Let’s check in with Jane out on I-99. Hey Jane. Jane: Hey, Bob, they’re gearing up out here. The city has 763 trucks rolling and officials say they’ve poured 43 billion tons of salt on the highways and byways in preparation for this storm. Bob: Thanks, Jane, and remember folks, the D.O.T. says not to get out on the road unless you absolutely have to. Here’s some footage of somebody who didn’t take that advice. Now, let’s check in with Bill. Bill: I’m here outside the supermarket, Bob, where the manager says it’s been a mad rush throughout the day as shoppers flock to the milk and bread sections. And I just left the hardware store where they now say they’ve run out of snow shovels, tire chains, sleds, and generators. Bob: Wow! That’s amazing, Bill. (No, what is amazing is that the same exact conversation as above has occurred sixty thousand times on TV since 1956.) Gotta go. Gotta finish my snow cream before it melts. (Vanilla only, no chocolate, please