Teaching the Kid the Rules of the Road

It happened one afternoon when I was a teenager a few months away from receiving my coveted driver’s license. On that particular day, I was perched in the front seat next to one of my friends in a truck driven by his father. We came to a stop sign and my friend’s dad never slowed down but kept on truckin’ right past the sign. The stunned look on my face begged an answer, so my friend quickly explained, “He doesn’t think that stop sign should be there.” Thus began one of my first informal training sessions in Driver’s Ed. It’s a wonder I ever survived to see high school graduation. Over the years I have developed my own philosophy of driving, which I am more than willing to share with my sons. My middle son recently completed Driver’s Education and for now, he’s my responsibility on the road as I ride along in the passenger’s seat. He’s extremely cautious, which is a positive, but also leads me to admonish him to “give it a little juice” from time to time- which does not go over well with Mom. But I feel like I’m doing a fine job instructing the chap. I have trained him to complete the following phrases: Dad: Know all the rules and assume everyone else . . . Son: Has forgotten them. Dad: Never text and drive but assume . . . Son: Everyone else is dumb enough to be texting and driving, especially teenagers like me. Dad: Never be an idiot behind the wheel, but assume . . . Son: Everyone else I meet on the road is an idiot. Dad: Never drink and drive, but assume . . . Son: Everyone else I meet on the road is drunk. Dad: If you ever drink and drive . . . Son: First you will take my license and then you will castrate me. (The first time I said that he ran to the dictionary to see what it meant.) I think kids these days have it a little easier than we did in my day when it comes to driving and such. We had to use either maps or some vague sense of direction to find our way. They have GPS. We had to turn the radio station with a knob while we were driving (not a good idea) and they can press one button and it goes straight to their favorite tunes. They have cruise control and we had a sore right foot. They have automatic transmissions where we had to learn to operate a clutch and grind the gears. (But they can’t catch second gear like we did.) They have cellphones if their car breaks down. I had to walk two miles in the rain to a friend’s house to call home when the truck I was driving broke down. (Long story, one I still don’t like to mention to my dad.) Regardless, I’m proud of my middle son’s driving. He comes to a complete halt at stop signs (even if he doesn’t think they should be there) and obeys the speed limit obsessively. So forgive us if we’re a little tardy now and then. The kid is just being safe and assuming everyone else on the road is an idiot. Just like his old man taught him.