WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- It Doesn't Take a King's Ransom

     It was one of those "Aha!" moments for me recently as I watched this lady leave her pew in the church, ascend the steps by the altar, and take her place behind the podium as she prepared to read the daily scripture for the congregation assembled that day. I listened as she read the selected verses and then afterward, for a few moments (forgive me for daydreaming during church, please) my imaginative mind traveled to a time long ago in a distant kingdom far, far away. .
     It seems that in this kingdom, the king had choices like all kings do. He had lots of business to take care of so he hired a Minister of the Purse to advise him and direct his financial arrangements. His mind needed to be stimulated, informed and educated in order for him to remain intellectually capable of sustaining and leading the subjects of his kingdom, so he also hired a Minster of Knowledge to train him in this endeavor. In addition, all the stress of being the King required that he hire a Minister of Diversions to distract his attention away from his duties and provide him an outlet by which he could laugh and enjoy a few anxiety-free moments occasionally.
     A king has lots to do on any given day but he made sure to schedule some quality time with each of his three top ministers. The Minister of the Purse was normally the first to enter the King's palace. His advice about where to store the gold, what items to trade with the neighboring kingdom, and what level of tax burden to place upon his subjects was valuable. The King was pleased with the advice because more often than not, it worked out well when put into place.
     Next the Minister of Knowledge would enter and provide the King with lots of intellectual stimulation, often schooling him in mathematics principles and scientific wonders. The Minister would then take him on a journey through history, reminding him of the triumphs and the tragedies associated with great leaders of the past, insights which proved invaluable to the King. And to finish things off, the Minister read from some of the great classics, greatly expanding the King's mind and his ability to think in multiple dimensions from varying perspectives.
     Finally, the Minister of Diversions would enter. Some days he juggled various sorts of items in the air while the King watched in amazement. Sometimes, if the rest of the royal family wasn't within earshot, he would share with the King the latest Queen jokes being passed around throughout the kingdom. On other days, the Minister would sing songs or act out plays for the King to watch and enjoy. And on a slow day the Minister would simply toss a ball back and forth with the King or play a couple games of checkers to entertain His Majesty.
     Said the Queen one evening at the royal dinner, "It is time for you decide how the royal compensation will be distributed among your closest ministers. You have twelve bits at your disposal. How will you reward each for their service?" The King scratched his chin for a few moments and answered, "Give 8 bits to the Minister of Diversions, 3 bits to the Minister of the Purse, and 1 bit to the Minister of Knowledge." The Queen asked, "Are you sure, my Dear, that these are your wishes? 1 bit seems a rather small amount for the Minister of Knowledge and 8 bits would seem rather large for one who does little more than distract you each day. Why not give each Minister 4 bits?" The King pounded his fist and declared, "My verdict is final, whether it makes any sense to you or anyone else is totally not my concern."
   
     As the organ music came to life for the next hymn, my mind returned from the faraway kingdom and nestled back into the church service where it probably belonged all along. I snuck at glance to my right where the Scripture reader had returned to her seat after her time at the podium. This fine lady had made a lifelong impression on hundreds and hundreds of children in her role as a schoolteacher- and in the process became one of the main professional and personal inspirations for my middle son who is a few weeks away from college graduation, where a nice job that has already been secured awaits him.
     Perhaps as you traveled with me to the faraway kingdom, you were annoyed at the King for his allocation of resources. But alas, you need not look too far away and too long ago to find such a modern example. We do the same thing in our society today. We pay businessmen plenty. We overpay entertainers and sports figures. And we grossly underpay our teachers. Okay, they're not perfect and there's a few of them who have embarrassed their profession, but there are plenty of them out there who love what they do and who do it for much less than a King's ransom. And we should appreciate them more.
     Romans 12:6-7 reminds us that to be able to teach is a gift from God. Teaching is listed right up there with several other essential God-given gifts, yet we as a society have traditionally decided its ranking, at least financially, should be lower than most other professions. But, you might say, the free market dictates what salaries each worker will receive. By that logic, if entertainers and sports stars generate millions, pay them millions. If business investments generate revenue, compensate them with loads of money. Those who generate money should get the money. But I say though teachers aren't generating revenue, they're changing lives. They're molding dreams. They're teaching kids how to believe in themselves. They're setting hearts on fire with dreams for the future. And that's more valuable than any dollar amount a mutual fund or a Hollywood blockbuster could ever generate.
     Thank you, Mrs. Q, and all the others like you, who put their heart and soul into teaching our sons and daughters how to grow to become men and women. Perhaps you're underappreciated in today's kingdom, but you'll be forever appreciated in the Kingdom to Come. 

    

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: The Answer to Everything

     As a college baseball coach, I am sometimes asked by a member of the press to provide a quote after a game. Normally the reporter will prompt me by making a few observations and statements of their own with the purpose of generating a discussion. This back and forth is designed to illicit a worthy quote or two from me, the coach.
     To be honest, I don't really need a prompt. Stick a tape recorder in front of my face (Yes, I prefer a tape recorder because it assures, or at least it should, that I won't be misquoted) and ask me what's on my mind. I'll spill my guts. After all, I've got a little bit of journalist in me and I have a pretty good idea what reporters are looking for.
     I understand that the reporter has a job to do regardless of my mood. Whether we have won or lost is irrelevant to his or her responsibility to get a quote for the newspaper. So I try to accommodate them. And I try to do it politely, even when I'm pouting or seething about an ugly loss.
     Here's what I know about all this. People who read newspapers want something fresh. They don't want to read the same quotes over and over. When coaches rattle off all the usual cliches, reporters are forced to live on the corner of mundane and boring, printing stuff we've all heard a million times.
     Here are some examples:

"We played hard but they were the better team tonight."
"We've just got to stick to what we do and not worry about anything else."
"We can't try to do too much. We've got to keep it simple."
"We've got to forget this one and move on to the next one."
"You can't make five errors and expect to win."
"You can't get only three hits and expect to win."
"We didn't deserve to win tonight."
"Yes, he got three hits, but really it was a team effort."
"We're getting better but we're still a long way from where we need to be."
"We hit the ball hard, we just hit it right at people."
(And the all time most overused cliche ever- "We've just got to take it one game at a time."

     I'll admit I've fallen into the traps listed above occasionally. But to be honest, a lot of the cliches ring true at times. As a team, you really do have to take it one game at a time. You can't get too high or too low with any win or loss. Oops, there's another cliche. Sorry.
     However, there is one cliche that has showed up within the last decade that I am now addicted to. To demonstrate the effectiveness of this particular quote, I feel the need to provide a reporter/coach scenario:

Reporter: "Hey Coach, it looked like your guys were out of sync out there tonight. Your pitching struggled to finish innings and your hitters looked confused at the plate. You've lost six in a row now and you've only scored three runs in those six games and you've allowed thirty seven. You've got injuries at key positions and your schedule gets even tougher the next two weeks. What are your thoughts?
Coach: "Well . . . it is what it is."

     This is the best quote ever invented. So simple yet so true. So few words yet so much said. What does it mean? It means whatever you want it to mean. It is a reminder that things are the way they are and talking about them, dissecting them, discussing them, and dwelling on them doesn't change things.
Think of all the times the "it is what it is" reply could come in handy, not just in sports, but in life.
I shall share a few examples:
Someone: "You've gained too much weight and you're hairline is rapidly receding."
You: "It is what it is."
Someone: "Your wife left you for a guy in prison and now I hear you're losing your job."
You: "It is what it is."
Someone: "Wow, I feel really bad about them finding all that nuclear toxic waste flowing just beneath your house that you never knew about before."
You: "It is what it is."

     You get the drift. First of all, if that Someone exists in your life, kick them out of it. Next, understand that you don't have to have an answer to everything. That's what God is for. In fact, one of His most simple answers to a question occurs in Exodus 3:14 when Moses asks God how he should reply when the people ask who has sent him. God answers, "I Am Who I Am." I love that. The Great I Am is who He is and needs no further explanation.
     Proverbs 3:6 says we don't need to lean on our own understanding when it comes to figuring everything out. We don't have to have all the answers. We're allowed to shrug our shoulders at times. Someone (maybe the same Someone from the quotes above) may ask, "How can you be a Christian and not know _______ (fill in the blank)." You can reply, "I'm a follower of God, but I'm not God. He has all the answers, I don't."

Someone: "Well that's not fair. You're playing both ends against the middle. The things you understand, you proclaim with confidence. And the things you don't understand, you just brush them off and claim only God can answer those. That seems too convenient."
You: "It is what it is."

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Our Connection May Not Be a Plan Made in Heaven

     If you've read any of my columns, you know that they are normally light hearted. I will warn you in advance that this column isn't light. In fact, you may think it is dark in some ways. But please don't click out the light on me just yet until you've scrolled through the whole thing. Then maybe you'll understand why I decided to share it. Somewhere in the depths of my internal battery, I decided to share it despite knowing that there will be some out there who won't particularly enjoy it or will think less of me afterward and wish I would have kept all this in silent mode. But I am two things in these columns: honest and transparent. Maybe by me sharing my deeply personal story, some of you out there may benefit in some way. And I did get permission to write it. So here it goes:


     I was introduced to you during my college years. Little did I know then that a few years later you would become a major part of my life. I don't think it was love at first sight. You were merely a curiosity to me at first, but eventually you and I became attached at the hip, so to speak, and have spent our lives together ever since. I showed you off to my parents and they approved. And before too long you and I became almost totally dependent on each other.
     As the years passed together, I'm not sure I recognized just how attached at the hip we really were and just how much I was dependent on you. But I was and to be honest, I don't think that level of dependency was totally healthy.
     I know people say this a lot, but it's not you, it's me. You didn't do anything wrong. You're a strong tower to me. But quite simply, I became overly attached and overly dependent. Obligated, trapped.
     I left you that morning while you were in the kitchen. A couple minutes up the road I thought about turning around and going back. I needed to hold you. But I resisted the urge. In my mind I thought- "We need this time apart. I must resist the urge to turn around and drive right back to you".
     The Bible says in Luke 14, I Corinthians 10, Galatians 4, and numerous other places that we must place our commitment to God above all things. Those verses say that includes even family, as well as material possessions and any other potential idols in our lives. This is a tough pill for me to swallow. I love these things dearly.
     That day was a tough day for me. I felt both free and miserable at the same time. I thought about you often. The line at the bank drive thru seemed longer than ever, and all I could think about as I waited was holding you. I thought about you during the lunch I had with some of my friends. I shared with them that I had left you that day. They seemed to understand when I explained all the reasons why.
     Maybe it's not healthy to be together all the time, despite our strong connection. Maybe some time apart will help me gain perspective on your place in my life. Maybe it will help me understand what your proper place in my life really should be. Maybe I'll be a better man because of that day I walked away and left you.
     Actually, I returned home that same evening, having had zero contact with you all day long. I walked in and held you. You screamed at me 19 times. Yes, I counted. But the important thing was that we both survived that day.  Neither of our worlds came to an end. And I think deep down we're better for it. I still feel the same about you. It just scared me how dependent I had become on you. I fear many of the people who read this will not understand what I'm trying to say. 
     Here's the thing. God doesn't want anything to come between Him and me. No one or no thing. But you need to know this. He most certainly wants me to be a loving husband. He wants me to be a Godly father. He wants me to be an available Christian. But if you and I are attached at the hip all the time, it may hold me back from being all those things.
     You're not my wife. You're not one of my children. You're not my dog.
     You are my cellphone. And I survived the day I spent without you. When I returned home and picked you up, you yelled at me with 14 text messages, 4 missed calls, and 1 voicemail. That's 19 total screams but who's counting. Oh yeah, I was. You have a place in my life, but you're not supposed to run it. And thanks for not voicing any objection when I asked you if it was okay to write this column.


     For those of you who were brave enough to read to the end, go back and read again. It might make more sense now, especially if you look for the subtle clues, including the title. But either way, take a long, hard look at the potential idols in your life. And if you can't survive a full day without them, then you probably need to make some changes.

     (P.S.- I can't resist telling you that when I got home that day, one of my text messages was from my wife earlier in the day. It simply said- "You left your cellphone at home". Funny stuff. Think about it. By the way, I think I'll keep the wife. Our connection is strong.)

    

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Here We Go Again For the Umpteenth Time

     It happens to me occasionally and it's happened to you. You're flipping through channels on your television and you see a movie on the screen that forces you to stop. Your life then comes to a halt at that moment. Simple reason why: You can't not watch. It drives you crazy that "your" movie is on and you're not watching it. Forget the fact you can rent it or watch it anytime you want with all that On Demand stuff. You can't stand the fact that someone else might be watching your movie at the moment and you're not.
     My middle son and I have one such movie. I personally have more than one but he and I share the movie in question. Before I tell you what it is I will say that the version I watch now is the cleaned up TV version with the language toned down considerably. This makes it bearable and enjoyable for me. So when it appeared on my TV screen recently, I had to stop for a few minutes. Fortunately (I guess) I had other business to take care of so I wasn't stuck there for three hours. But it was certainly gut wrenching to walk away from it.
     Here are some of my favorite quotes from this movie:

"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way."

"Why do you like them so much?"
"Because they stand on a wall and say, 'Nothing's going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch.'

"You don't need to wear a patch on your arm to have honor."

(Said by a Marine)- " I like all you Navy boys. Every time we've gotta go someplace to fight, you fellas always give us a ride."

"Don't call me son. I'm a lawyer, and an officer in the United States Navy, and you're under arrest, you (fill in the blank). . . the witness is excused."

C: "I need my bat. I think better with my bat. Where's my bat?"
G: "I put it in the closet."
C: "Don't ever put my bat in the closet."
W: "He does think better with that bat."

"If I had to choose between you or your father to represent me in this case I'd choose you any day of the week and twice on Sunday. You should've seen yourself thunder away at Kendrick."
(Incidentally, I didn't know what "twice on Sunday" meant so, as a favor to both you and my curiosity, I looked it up. There is no definitive answer, but the best explanations involve traveling ministers in the old days who preached two services on Sundays, and/or stage actors and musicians who performed two shows on Sunday to try to make more money. Or it could have something to do with the NFL broadcasting two games on Sunday, an east coast game early and a west coast game later. Maybe but I don't think so. Besides, nowadays they show three, which would make it thrice on Sunday).

"Take the night off, we've been working twenty hours a day for three and a half weeks straight, just take the night off-  Sam go see your wife and your daughter. Joanne . . . (pause) . . .  go do whatever it is you do when you're not in court".

"You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall."

"I want the truth!"
"You can't handle the truth!"

     There's more but unless you're not a fan of military movies, I think you've figured out by now which movie it is. Every time I watch it, I see something I hadn't noticed before. Funny how that works.
     Easter was this past weekend. And as usual, I read and heard about the Sunday morning resurrection story for the umpteenth time. Normally when someone says "umpteenth", it is spoken in a derogatory manner, as in: "Here we go, Uncle Bob is about to tell us about his ingrown toenail for the umpteenth time." But that's not how I feel about the Easter resurrection story. I love to hear it over and over. And when someone is telling it, I can't not listen. It's the greatest story of all time and it happened on the greatest day in history (so far).
     And I get something new out of it each time. This year it was something really simple. I always knew the disciples would have had no motivation to "steal" Jesus' body after He died. Why would they steal a body, lie about it being resurrected, and then go and proclaim a lie about Jesus to the world that would eventually get them all killed? In short, they wouldn't. But here's what I heard this year as well. The Jews wouldn't have had any motivation to steal the body either. By stealing it, they would have been leaving open the possibility that Jesus had risen from the dead. If they wanted to prove He hadn't risen, all they would have had to do was produce a dead body! Stealing it and hiding it would have been the last thing they would have wanted to do. Wow! Everything points to a resurrected Jesus! One who is alive and well with His Father in Heaven and who also lives within those of us who have chosen to invite Him into our hearts here on earth today.
     So that's the story I love to hear over and over. One man conquered death and then a few good men went out and proclaimed His Kingdom to the World. Maybe the world can't handle the truth, but it's a true story I can live with every day, and twice on Sunday.