WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: I Want What I Want

Me: I am sooooo ready to watch live sports again.

My Famous Dog Flash: I don't know why, you just get frustrated when the team you're pulling for doesn't win.

Me: That's part of what makes it exciting- the not knowing. The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat. That adds to the tension.

Flash: Oh wow, so you crave tension? Isn't there enough tension in the world what with all that Corona Bologna stuff all over the place?

Me: You just don't understand. I may be retired from coaching baseball, but I will always be a sports fan. I want my sports. I need my sports. I want to watch them on my TV. I want to go watch games in person. I want to correct an umpire when he's wrong. I want to yell for my team. I want my sports and I WANT THEM NOW!

Flash: Do you realize how many times in that last sentence you used the word "I"? In case you can't count, it was ten, and you used the word "my" five times as well.

Me. Oh, so now you're a math whiz and an expert on unselfishness- Oh ye who barks in Momma's face every afternoon at 5 pm, demanding your silver food bowl be filled with Purina One (Smart Blend Sensitive Formula with Salmon as the #1 ingredient)- that I'm paying for by the way.

Flash: I gotta have that stuff, Pops, but you can live without sports. You're the one always quoting all them verses from your Bible about thinking of others first. Just the other day I heard you talking about a verse from Philippians 2:3 where it says something about not being selfish, but valuing the needs of others above yourself.

Me: Don't be preaching to me about my values. I deserve to practice my rights. I have a right to live as I please.

Flash: Well, what about the rights of others? Don't they deserve to be protected from the virus? And if we just go back to normal interactions- including sports, won't that just put more people in danger?

Me. They don't have to go to games or watch on TV.

Flash: But the people who do go will spread the virus, and the ones who don't care about sports might catch the virus from them.

Me: You know, I think maybe you should just stick to drinking from the toilet and chasing squirrels you'll never catch.

Flash: Maybe you should practice what you preach a little more.

Me: Maybe you should get your gas problem under control. It's killing the ambiance in our living room and melting the paint off the walls.

Flash: I like Momma better than I like you.

Me: Ouch.