WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Don't Mess with the Ants

 

   It was so big I just had to take a picture of it. The first picture I took that day in the grass near a parking lot was okay but after looking at it on my phone, I realized the picture didn't do it justice. By the way, when I was growing up, phones didn't take pictures. And they didn't travel with me in my pocket. Now they do things like take pictures, tell me which way to turn when I'm lost, order pizza for me, and play my favorite songs. But I digress.
     My options were limited that day when trying to determine what I could do to show how big the red ant mound was. I previously lived in Greenwood, SC for five years, which I declared then to be the Red Ant Mound capital of the world, but this was the grandest mound I could remember gazing upon. Always one to mistakenly believe that I am full of ingenuity and extreme intelligence, I brainstormed what common object I could place on top of the mound to provide context in the picture. Soon after removing my sunglasses to get a better look at the monstrosity, an "Aha!" moment occurred in my pea-sized brain. "Put the sunglasses on top of the mound," I proudly proclaimed to myself.
     Based on my time in SC, I am a self-proclaimed expert as it pertains to red ants and their dwellings. First and foremost, you don't disturb a red ant mound unless you are in desperate need of entertainment and wearing a hazmat suit. They rise to the top by the millions and emerge from the hole like lava erupting from a volcano. If there is human flesh anywhere in the surrounding zip code, they will find a way to cling to it and eventually sink their little ant teeth (or whatever it is they bite with) into the aforementioned flesh.
     Knowing all this, I carefully placed my sunglasses on top of the mound and commenced to popping snapshots. Still not satisfied, I eventually stooped and got a ground level shot that I thought would suffice. Immediately afterward, I grabbed my sunglasses and retreated to the safety of the driver's seat of my truck.
     Within seconds, my active imagination produced sensations of  teeny tiny legs crawling all over me, including on my forehead and cheek. Didn't take me long to realize my imagination wasn't misbehaving after all. How in the world these ants were able to get on my glasses and in my pants without me knowing it is beyond me. But there they were, bigger than life, and they were having me for lunch.
     I don't like red ants, or any ants for that matter. But there's a lot I can learn from them. Scientists say they have survived for millions of years because of their ability to unselfishly cooperate with each other. I know this to be true because I saw a group of them carrying a dead worm one time when I was young. It was gross but impressive. They also have a tremendous work ethic and absolutely will not give up. A bored prisoner of war once wrote that he watched an ant try 67 times to climb the wall to get to a crumb of food, falling to the floor the first 66 times before finally reaching his destination.
     Most of all, they have survived as a species because they have been willing to sacrifice themselves for the good of the other ants- a team-before-self kinda thing. And by doing so, their numbers have increased exponentially over the years.
     Philippians 2:3-4 says "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others."
     We live in a world where everything is "me" first. Unfortunately that's true even in our churches at times. Perhaps we could take a thing or two from the ants about selflessness and sacrifice for the common good. I not only learned that lesson from the ants but also another important one that day- don't ever mess with an ant mound, no matter how good a picture it would make.

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Dadgum thankful for Thanksgiving

    "Before you ask your question, tell me something you're thankful for." That's all she was asking. Simple request. And virtually all the reporters at the press briefing complied when White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders made her unusual request a few days before Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday, by the way.
     I"m not sure exactly why it outranks Christmas and Easter on my list. Perhaps they seem to be way too commercialized what with all that Santa and Easter Bunny stuff to distract us. Nothing at all against the celebration of the Father sending His Son to be born into a world that desperately needed Him. And also no offense to the celebration of the empty tomb which occurred on the most important day in history. None of their commercialization is the fault of the Father or the Son. That's on us.
     Despite some downtown parades, football, and Turkey sidetracks, Thanksgiving has remained largely about, well . . . thanksgiving. The main characters are still the Pilgrims, and they were certainly all about giving thanks, even inviting the Native Americans in their vicinity to share in the bounty.
     Growing up I always looked forward to the hymns we sang on Thanksgiving such as We Gather Together and Come Ye Thankful People Come. We rarely sang those outside of Thanksgiving so they were a special reminder. They really did it for me then and I enjoy hearing them now. They remind of that Capricorn thing (or is it a Unicorn thing) they decorate the altar of the church with at Thanksgiving. You know, the thing with all the fruit, veggies, and twigs flowing out of it. Upon further review, I think maybe it's called a cornucopia, but who's counting. 
     Thanksgiving weather is often my favorite temperature. Cool enough to put on a jacket but not so much to give me frostbite.
     Plus, the Mrs. always makes pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving. Mouth watering delicious.
     Add to that the fact that my November 23 birthday occasionally falls on Thanksgiving Day (like this year) and you can see why I am partial to the holiday.
     I'll admit I'm not a huge tuner-inner (a phrase I just now made up) to White House press conferences. And this column is certainly not an attempt to espouse one party over another. But I did catch part of the action the day the press secretary requested every question-asker (another phrase I don't think anybody else has used much before now) declare some thanks before grilling her about the latest happenings.
     I thought it was a nice touch. As reporter after reporter complied, I sensed a moment of slight unity in a room where contentiousness normally reigns. Everyone had something to be thankful for, and for many, mentions of our country's freedoms prevailed. A couple of reporters took a few light-hearted jabs at the toxic relationship between the current administration and the press. (Ex- One reporter expressed thanks for the First Amendment, implying with a grin that it is under attack). But all in all, it was heartening for a citizen like me who 1) has a lot to be thankful for in this country and 2) wishes we could all get along better, regardless of our political, religious, or personal beliefs.
     As usual, not everyone was pleased, especially those who insist on politicizing any and absolutely everything. Some comments online: (slightly edited for taste)

"Perhaps one of the more cringeworthy requests we've seen in the briefing room"

"They (reporters) should have all said they were thankful for the exit and walked out."

"I'm thankful that awkward briefing is over."

"I'm thankful I know how to wear eyeshadow correctly, unlike the press secretary."

     Here's what I say. If you want to be a liberal, be a liberal. If you want to be a conservative, be a conservative. Same goes for Democrat or Republican or another other party, as long as your goal is to help people live better lives. If you want to scrutinize and criticize those in authority, have at it. We need scrutinizers and criticizers. If you want to take up your banner for a cause and it turns out to be in opposition to mine, that's fine. But DADGUMIT, let's be thankful when given the opportunity to express our thanks. And let's find some DADGUM common ground in this country (and this world even) where we can celebrate what we have in common instead of making everything Us vs. Them.
     I'm sick of all the division in our country. I want people to get along and work together to make this a better place. Disagree at times we must. Become disjointed we must never. 1 Corinthians 1:10 reminds us to agree with one another to prevent divisions among us, so that we can be perfectly united in mind and thought.
     I don't think that means we can't have different opinions or perspectives, but I do think it means we should emphasize what we share in common more than anything else.
     I love Thanksgiving. I"m DADGUM thankful for it. Enjoy the unicornicopia and punkin pie. Thank the Lord for all His blessings. You certainly don't need a press conference to do that. 

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: You Dirty Rat

  

  I had an aquarium full of gerbils growing up. I didn't have them for long, though. The whole deal ended in tragedy. And because I was pre-teen, I think I might have cried a little.But as usual, I have gotten ahead of myself. Perhaps I should start at the beginning.
     One afternoon when I was a kid, my dad pulled in the driveway and emerged from his car carrying a cage. My curiosity aroused, I met him at the door and discovered an aquarium-looking contraption with two adult gerbils inside, complete with exercise wheel. I was excited and immediately named them Geraldine and Gerrie.
     Upon further review, they looked a lot like rats to me. Ditto for hamsters. All in the rodent family. But no worries, they were mine and I was proud of my little pals.
     Imagine my delight when one day Geraldine, after a few months of what I thought was increased food consumption, started birthing baby gerbils, which also looked a lot like baby rats. (Google "baby gerbil images" and you'll see what I mean).
     Within months, Geraldine went postal on her family. (No offense to postal workers, I just couldn't resist). Youngins started going missing. I thought they were hiding in the cedar chip tunnels the industrious rodents had constructed. Eventually, the only family members I could locate were Geraldine and Gerrie and they didn't seem interested in the exercise wheel anymore. Especially Geraldine, who had ballooned to twice her normal size.
     Turns out the kids were hanging out in their Mom's stomach. I found some bones in the bottom of the cage one day and finally put two and two together. But not soon enough to save Gerrie. Within another day or two he went missing and Geraldine continued to "grow" to the point she couldn't move anymore. Not long afterward, she went to join the rest of her family in Rodent Heaven, if such a place exists. On second thought, I'm not sure the powers that be let Geraldine in.
     Before you animal folks get angry at me, remember I was maybe 8 or 9 when all this happened. And for those of you who would cast doubt on the truthfulness of this story, I would refer you to my parents, who can verify its authenticity.
     I thought of Geraldine and Gerrie recently when the Mrs. and I took our dog Flash to the vet. As I was leaving, I saw an interesting post on the message board- "Free to good home- Pet Rat- Sweet, 10 months old, black and white male, cage included." Beneath were those little slits of paper with the contact phone number, free for the taking if you were interested in obtaining a pet rat. None of the slips had been taken. Recognizing the uniqueness of the post, I snapped a picture of it before leaving.
     I particularly enjoyed the part about the "good home". These folks weren't about to let someone who owned and operated a bad home have a shot at the pet rat. No way, only humans maintaining a good home would be allowed to inquire. 
     People try to catch rats in traps that snap their necks. Sorry to be graphic but rats are often more of a nuisance than a potential pet choice. Most people agree. But not everyone.
     I showed the rat post to a family friend and she was touched. Apparently she had a pet rat growing up and it behaved a lot better than my Geraldine had. Apparently, one man's trap trash is another man's pet treasure. I had underestimated the level of sentiment an offer for a pet rat could generate.My apologies.
     I don't think Jesus had a pet rat during His time on Earth but he did have a soft spot for those who were similarly rejected by most other humans. When others cringed and gasped in horror at the sight of lepers, He stopped what he was doing and went out of His way to show love to them. When the townspeople rejected the "filthy" woman caught in adultery, Jesus refused to condemn her and spoke kindly to her. Time after time, He exalted the rejected and showed compassion for the unloved.
     I hope the sweet Pet Rat found a good home. I just hope he doesn't fall in love with a Geraldine along the way.
   

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Not upset about getting bumped

     When I was growing up, my dad hugged folks at church. The older ladies loved him for that and many other reasons. My mom didn't mind. She hugged a lot, too. Dad was careful with the guys, giving them firm handshakes instead. I witnessed this as a lad and I never once saw anybody appear uncomfortable as a result. I thought then and still do now, that it makes for a better world when humans hug each other.
     Unfortunately a few perverts have ruined that. You can't hug people as much for fear of being suspected/accused of sexual harassment. Let me stop here before I get mean emails and comments and say that sexual harassment is real and inexcusable. I just think as a result, good and decent people now think twice before hugging other human beings and I wish that wasn't the case.
     All that being said, there are many ways people who know each other well can show each other physical, non-sensual affection. There's the high five, the fist bump, the handshake that leads to a hand-on-the-back-of -the-shoulder half hug, and the side hug (made popular by the Duggar family back when their TV show was largely non-controversial).
     There is also another greeting. It's when someone you know sorta sneaks up beside you and bumps you from the side, a hip to hip interaction that implies a semi-close relationship with another human. Not something you would try on a casual acquaintance, a pastor wearing his robe, a child, a biker wearing a spiked belt, or a police officer- but appropriate for a close friend of either gender, in my humble opinion. This type of greeting is known as the "Hip Bump".
     Recently I attended my son's high school cross country meet at a rival school. I informed the Mrs. that I was going to the finish line so I could video our favorite runner as he crossed the line. Several other parents were at the line as well so there was plenty of company, mostly parents from the rival school. Just as the first runner appeared in the distance, while my attention was focused in the direction of the runners, I was the recipient of a loud Hip Bump on my left side. Holding my phone/camera in the air and preparing to film, I didn't immediately react. "Watcha doin?" asked the Bumper. "Nothing much, just waiting to see where that child of mine is going to finish," I replied as I turned to acknowledge my assailant.
     Even before making eye contact, it became immediately obvious to me that I was the victim of mistaken identity. Rival school Mom knew right away I was not who she thought I was. I was extremely impressed how cool she played it. "Well I hope he finishes strong," she quickly said, without even so much as a stutter or crack in her voice. I played along by casually mentioning something about us being fortunate that the weather was so good. It took all the restraint I could muster not to say what I wanted to, which was, "We don't know each other, do we? I'm sure you thought I was someone else, didn't you? Are you humiliated bein's how you just Hip Bumped a total stranger?" But I didn't want to embarrass her or make things any more awkward for her.
     Some folks get upset about bumping, especially if they were preparing to board and flight and discover they've been bumped. And others don't like any part of their bodies being touched by another person, which is their prerogative. As for me, at that point I was enjoying the tension. Which is kinda weird, but that's me.
     Mrs. Bumper then gradually moved away from me, crossed to the other side of the running course and found some other friends to greet, though not with Hip Bumps. When I saw a guy near her sporting a wide brimmed hat almost identical to the one I was wearing, my excellent logical deductive reasoning abilities kicked in and I realized what had happened.
     We are told in 2 Corinthians 13:12 and in other verses to greet each other as believers with a holy kiss. Not sure that one is practiced too widely in the Church today but I do think it reminds us that appropriate physical touch is important in the lives of believers. Encourage, support, build up, pray for each other. And greet each other with a touch. But you might wanna make sure who it is you're greeting before you perform a Hip Bump.

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM- Trying to be Anonymous

     You wouldn't guess who I was line behind so I won't ask you to. That's a cheap way to get your attention and pique your curiosity. For inquiring minds who want to know who it was, I will tell you at some point, but first some background and set up.
     It was 2005 or so, and I was visiting my cousin in California. When we were teenagers way back in 1980, singer Olivia Newton-John looked right in our eyes and sang a few words of a song  ("You have to believe we are Magic") to us when we went to a taping of an old show called "Midnight Special". Special it was. Especially when the whole neighborhood back in North Carolina gathered and we watched it on television a few weeks later when it aired.
     So when I revisited my cousin some 25 years later, I was thinking perhaps lightning might strike again and I might hobnob with somebody else famous. After all, it's California. And we were very near Los Angeles.
     A baseball scout friend of mine got us some tickets for a Dodgers game. Yes, the same Dodgers who won the National League championship this year and played the Astros in what will go down as one of the all-time classic World Series match-ups.
     To claim our tickets that afternoon, I had to stand in a long line at the Will Call window outside of the stadium. It was one of those lines that weaved in and out of ropes held up by poles where you pass the same person over and over. At one point, I saw my cousin motioning to me and pointing at the guy in front of me in line. This gentleman and I had been in line next to each other for about five minutes and had exchanged polite "Hellos" but nothing beyond that. My linemate (not a word but I make up words all the time and will continue to do so, thank you) was sporting sunglasses, a baseball cap pulled down as low as style would allow, and normal looking clothes.
     Or at least the clothes looked normal to me. On second thought, I'm not sure I'm qualified to say what "normal" is in California. Two reasons: 1. I'm from North Carolina. 2. Nothing is normal in California. So when I say he was wearing normal clothing, I should say that what he was wearing didn't stand out in any way.
     No longer able to contain himself,  my cousin grabbed me at one of the turns in the line and informed me that my linemate was "Lieutenant Dan". I knew immediately who that was, having watched "Forrest Gump" more times than I have fingers to count with.
     His real life name is Gary Sinise and he's been in lots of other stuff, too, so he's well known. Enough to the point that wearing sunglasses and a cap pulled down low on his head couldn't fool everyone. My cousin asked if we could get a picture and I could tell right away Lt. Dan wasn't excited about the idea. He kinda shook his head politely and when my cousin repeated the request, he again declined.
     Lt. Dan wanted to remain as anonymous as possible and I totally understood. I wanted to say something but I didn't want to sound stupid. Perhaps I could have told him how much I enjoyed his acting. Perhaps I could have done my best "Forrest Gump" movie impressions- which include the lines "Stupid is as stupid does" and Lt. Dan's very own "Don't do anything stupid, like getting yourself killed." But all I could think to say on such short notice as we continued on in line was, "No problem, I understand completely." He replied simply, "Thanks".
     Later on during a break in the game, the videoboard flashed up short videos of all the famous people in attendance and, you guessed it, there was Lt. Dan bigger than life, shyly waving at the camera when his cover was blown. I remember thinking that based on our previous encounter, he probably wished the cameras hadn't discovered him.
     Jesus Christ was like Lt. Dan in some ways. Matthew 8:18 informs us that "When Jesus saw a crowd around Him, He departed to the other side of the sea". There are other Biblical examples as well of times when Jesus did not want to become the center of attention. His disciples didn't always understand that, but Lt. Dan gets it. Popularity can not only be draining, but it can also be fickle. Jesus didn't want to be today's fifteen-minutes-of-fame sensation and tomorrow's forgotten has-been. He wanted to have an eternal impact on the folks He encountered and be a lasting presence in their lives. And to do that, He needed to know when to walk away from frenzied crowds of admirers.
     But He also didn't shy away from attention when He felt it could benefit His Father's Kingdom, even if it made Him less popular. In Luke 11:29, as the crowd numbers increased, He warned them that they were a wicked generation because they demanded a sign. And in Mark 7, when a large crowd of religious leaders gathered around Him, He sharply rebuked them, pointing out that even though their lips spoke the right words, their hearts were far from honoring God.
     There is no picture of Lt. Dan and me on my Facebook page or on Twitter. The man deserved his privacy and I'm glad I didn't violate that by being pushy or selfish. But I hope if either Dan or I get a chance to stand up for the Lord in a crowd, we will take off our sunglasses and hats, put our desire to be anonymous aside and use the moment to proclaim the Kingdom of God. Even it makes us unpopular with the crowd.