WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: Words Don't Always Fall to the Ground

      Funny how you remember things. When I was a schoolkid, I distinctly remember reading a book that told the story of it being so cold that the words the men spoke to each other froze in the wintertime and didn't thaw out until spring. I wracked my brain for a few minutes recently trying to remember exactly which storybook that episode came from and for some reason, the name Paul Bunyan popped into my head. A quick internet search confirmed the accuracy of my memory. The men who worked in Paul Bunyan's camp did indeed experience the freezing of their words, and when the spring thaw arrived, those words fell to the ground. 

     Funny how your remember things, not so funny how you remember other things. There have been many words I've spoken during my lifetime that I wish had frozen when they left my mouth. Then I could have grabbed them and tossed them far enough away so they could thaw out where no one would hear them. But instead, those words pierced another human being's ears and navigated their way to a pained heart. 

     I don't remember all the times I've said hurtful things to others, but I clearly recall a time when I was about ten years old and I said some really mean things to the neighbor girl in her front yard just before she and her family moved away. I don't even know why I said what I did. I think I was trying to show off to some of the neighborhood boys and be all rough and tough, but I had always gotten along well with the neighbor girl and had zero motivation to insult and degrade her. 

     But degrade her I did. Oh, how I wish those words would have frozen and fallen to the ground after her family was settled into their new home far, far away. After she left, I felt horribly guilty about what I had said to her. And I lived with that guilt for a couple years or so until one day, while I was playing in our backyard, I heard a voice behind me that I recognized. 

     "Do you remember me?" asked the little neighbor girl who looked amazingly more mature and grown up than I remembered. Here was my chance. Should I apologize? What if she's just being nice until she gets close enough to slap me? Do I act like that whole thing before never happened? Is there pee running down my leg and if so, does she see it? 

     All these questions whirled in my mind as my tongue searched for the proper vibrations to make sounds. "Of course I remember you, how ya doing?" was all I could manage to blurt out. That started a pleasant conversation between me and my former girl neighbor friend. She explained that she and her mom had returned to town for something or other and were just passing through and they wanted to say a quick hello to the Stroupes before leaving. 

     It was obvious little girl neighbor friend had long since buried the hatchet and didn't seem interested in an apology. So I never mentioned anything about it and we exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes before her mom came out and told her it was time to leave. We parted with smiles and promises about staying in touch, realizing even then at our underdeveloped levels of maturity that it was unlikely to happen. 

     The Bible tells us in 1 Samuel 3:19 that "the Lord was with Samuel as he grew up and he let none of Samuel's words fall to the ground". Every sentence Samuel spoke from his mouth was purposeful, meaningful, relevant, and spoken from a godly perspective. When he spoke, people listened. He didn't engage in idle chatter. He didn't talk just to hear himself talking. He didn't utter purposely hurtful words to his little girl neighbor friends. He spoke with authority and that authority came from God. None of his words fell to the ground, they were all received loud and clear. 

     I suppose you're waiting to hear that I found and reconnected with little girl neighbor friend during my adult years. It would make for a great story but it wouldn't be true. I've never seen her since the day we waved goodbye to each other in the backyard of my childhood home. But to this day, I am indescribably grateful that little girl neighbor friend and her mom came back to visit us one last time all those years ago. If not, I would have been forced to live with the heartache of knowing my last words to a kind, sweet child of God were mean and hurtful. And I couldn't have lived with that.  

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: Bigger Ain't Always Better

Me to my wife: It's time for us to give Flash a B-A-T-H. ( We have to spell out the word- if the dog was to hear the word "bath", she might sprint to the nearest escape hatch and have to be dragged outside where the garden hose awaits). 

Flash (my famous dog): It doesn't do any good to spell it out anymore, Dad. I know what you're saying. That may have worked on your three little sons, but I'm 10 years old now- that's 70 in dog years- and I'm old enough to spell. 

Me: Well, Miss Priss, if you're so smart, why can't find a place to hide where we can't find you? 

Flash: You have no idea what it feels like to get doused with a garden hose. 

Me: At least it's a garden hose and not a fire hose. 

Flash: I don't care if it's a garden hose, a fire hose, or panty hose, it hurts. 

Me: Well, a garden hose is small compared to other hoses. Sometimes smaller is better- like cellphones, bruises, class size in school, prostate glands, and electric bills. 

Flash: There you go again with your philosophizing. Just like I heard you going on and on the other day about how God kept reducing the size of Gideon's army from 32,000 to 300 soldiers, just so they would not think they were responsible for winning the battle. 

Me: Glad you've finally been paying attention. Yes, that's in Judges 7 in the Bible, and it was God's way of keeping the army humble and helping them understand they were dependent on Him, not their own strength. 

Flash: But all I hear all the time is "Go Big or don't go at all". That's why I drink from the toilet bowl instead of that silly little dog dish y'all stick in front of me every day. 

Me: Maybe going big isn't always the best thing to do. Toilet bowls have lots of germs and bacteria that silly little dog bowls don't. 

Flash: You have a big nose. Maybe you should have it reduced like Gideon's army. 

Me: Easy there Miss Smarty Pants, or I'll put more blue Tidy Bowl in the toilet. 

Flash: Go ahead, Mr. Big Nose with the enlarged prostate. 

Me to Wife: Honey, get the F-I-R-E-H-O-S-E, Somebody's ready for their B-A-T-H. 

Flash: Ugghh, I can spell, but I'm still not smart enough to know what an escape hatch is. 

WACKY WEDNESDAY WISDOM: Master of Awkward

      One of my sons and I had trekked through the woods and to our favorite spot at the river expecting to enjoy peace, solitude, and privacy- the same way we always did every time we went fishing down at the river near our home. It's not exactly our property but we've been given permission to fish there. For years we had never seen another human being down there, but on this evening, as we neared our spot, we heard some human voices across the way. 
   "Dad," said the son, "If we run into someone, you handle it. You're the master of awkward". Even though we didn't end up encountering any other humans at the river that evening, the young man had a point. Over the years I have found that I handle myself well in awkward situations, mainly by trying to convince myself that they're not awkward. 

     I feel led to share a few examples:

1. While in college I ran into my old girlfriend on the steps of the library one evening. Awkward enough. But to add to it, I was with my new girlfriend at the time. I did what any young man would do. I introduced them to each other then grabbed my new girlfriend's hand and we got out of Dodge before the two of them had a chance to compare notes on me. 

  

2. I was asked to speak at an FCA Sports Banquet years ago. I dressed up in my best suit and tie like I normally do when asked to speak at banquets. Turns out it was more of a cookout in an outdoor picnic shelter and everybody was wearing shorts and T-shirts. I pulled off my jacket, looked down at my baseball tie, and made up a quick story (okay, it was a lie) about how I had wanted to wear my special sports tie to the gathering and the only way to do it was to wear the suit pants with it. I think they believed me. (I spilled mustard from the burger all over my good shirt and tie). 

3. Back a million years ago when I was a high school baseball coach, when baseballs became tattered and torn, we had a tradition of throwing them over the fence and out into the woods just beyond our field. The worst arm on the team could shave easily cleared the hidden road below that ran between the field and the woods. One day I picked up a defunct ball while the players were stretching and tossed it toward the woods, Unfortunately it slipped off the side of my hand and fell short of its intended destination. A few seconds later we heard a loud smash and the players doubled over in laughter. I ran to the road and discovered the ball I had thrown had completely shattered the windshield of one of my 11th grade History students named Dan. He had pulled over and was sitting in the driver's seat in a state of shock. I apologized all over myself and promised Dan's "B" would soon be an "A". 

4. While with a group of family and friends having a dinner at a nice restaurant one evening, our waiter turned out to be one of my former baseball players. Ironically, I had cut him from the team only a few weeks earlier due to a serious off-the-field discipline issue. I could tell he was really nervous and uncomfortable, which made me nervous and uncomfortable. Everybody ordered spaghetti, lasagna, and other Italian delicacies. I ordered water with no lemon. It was an awkward dinner. 

     Jesus was part of an awkward dinner on at least one occasion. Luke 7:36-50 tells the story of how a Pharisee named Simon invited Jesus to be his guest for dinner, but did so under false pretenses. His goal was to engage Jesus in a discussion with other intellectual elites, thus exposing him as unintelligent and misguided. Because Jesus was a guest in Simon's home and was fed a nice meal, etiquette and the rules of social exchange dictated that Jesus would be expected to show his appreciation and would most certainly not speak insults toward the Pharisees like he had been doing in the temple in previous days. 

     When a woman of ill repute entered and washed Jesus' feet with her hair, Simon was appalled and passed judgment on both Jesus and the lady for their interaction. Jesus, not one to care too much for the rules of etiquette or social exchange, told a story about forgiveness that was clearly aimed at Simon. In the end, he assured the woman that her sins were forgiven but made no such guarantee to Simon. It was awkward to say the least but then again, Jesus was the Master of Awkward. 

     I hope I don't end up in any awkward situations any time soon. Just because I tend to hold my own in those situations doesn't mean I enjoy or look forward to them. By the way, the old girlfriend who I ran into that night in the library during college is happily married to a pastor and doing just fine these days. And so is the "new" girlfriend from that night. She's the one I've been married to for nearly thirty-four years now and has stuck around despite my awkwardness . . . and the mustard on my good shirts.